Boys Learn Best Through Example

It is time for African American men to stand up for their children as fathers, mentors, teachers, providers, protectors and as living, positive images of manhood.

Last year, in a powerful but overlooked commentary entitled, "Elephants, Men Share One Need", columnist William Rasberry reported on the overcrowed conditions at one of South Africa's National Park, and what the game managers did to resolve the problem. Relocate some of the elephants to another national park and kill off some of too big to transfer, they believed, would solve the overcrowded conditions.

However, the short-sightedness on the part of the game managers - Mr. Rasberry reported, resulted in chaos, violence and numerous killing sprees. Although the relocation strategy solved one problem, it created a more ominous problem at the new park. Too many young bull elephants were transferred to the new park without the nurturing leadership and guidance of responsible adult male elephants.

In conclusion, according to Brother Rasberry, the absence of responsible adult males - no matter what the cause of their absence - had serious, even deadly impact on the younger males and their community. More importantly, when the adult male elephants were reintroduced into the community, weather related to the youngsters or not, were able to guide the young males into responsible adolescence and adulthood.

There is much more to the story, but I believe, rather I hope individuals reading this article will read between the lines and agree with me that this is a powerful parable that can be used to explain the plight of young black males in cities across America. Too many positive adult males - fathers and mentors - are separated emotionally, spiritually and physically from the young males, and the young males are out of control for lack of proper nurturance and guidance.

Boys raised without fathers or some kind of model of positive manhood, according to most psychiatrist, are far more likely to express their masculinity and frustrations violently. Furthermore, they become victims to the negative trappings of the street culture and easy targets for street gangs. Unfortunately, for far too many African American young males "daddy" is missing in action and other positive adult male role models are spending their time talking about the problem ad infinitum.

Over the years, I have received hundreds of calls from single female heads-of-households, who are in search of positive adult male role models/mentors who could spend a few minutes a week with their sons. the problem, as some mothers have intimated to me, is that the fathers of their sons - many who hold prestigious positions in the community - have little or no contact withtheir sons, and in many cases, do not want to be bothered.

Yes, in some cases the mother of the sons have placed every conceivable legal obstacle in the paths of the fathers to visit their sons, but I truly believe those numbers are relatively small. Can you imagine a single mother trying to raise two, three, or four boys by herself without some support from the fathers of the boys?

Beyond the monetary support mothers need for their children to provide basic needs like food, clothing and shelter, children, both boys and girls, need the positive guidance and nurturance of fathers and positive men. In addition, mothers want and need support for their children and not excuses. It is extremely difficult to raise black male children in America.

More black men must wage the sincere and dignified fight for joint custody to let their children know that they are worth every morsel of time and energy to battle the legal system for the right to be present in their lives.

On another level, their is a need for more positive adult black men to sign up for mentoring and/or "rites of passage" programs. What are black men waiting for - another "Million Man March"? Given the myriad front page articles in local and national newspapers highlighting the criminal behaviors of young black males, or the escalating incarceration rates of black males, one continues to wonder, where are the black men with the "spirit" of reaching back and lifting up.

Where are today's "brothers keepers?" contrary to popular belief, every black male is not in prison. I have personally seen thousands of brothers at various functions and sporting events. It should not take another march, conference or crusade to inspire men to commit, if not their dollars, at least a little of their time on a consistent basis to give young black males hope and brighter tomorrows.

I am encouraged by the growing numbers of African American men who have accepted the challenge and have signed-up somewhere to work with at least one young black male. However, I am sadden by the fact that too many black men spend more time at night clubs, or washing their cars or watching television.

Will we have to watch another national news program to catch a glimpse of another black boy who has made history as the youngest murder defendant tried as an adult before we step forward with a sense of duty to rescue a young male from the negative street culture?

It is time for African American men to stand up for their children as father, as mentors, as teachers, as providers, as protectors and as living, positive images of manhood, because they are the most important roles we can perform today. If we are blessed with good health, a sense of giving back and high moral convictions, we must return to the "hood" and teach the younger brothers how to survive and thrive in a society that is preoccupied with "racial profiling", police brutality and building more prisons and throwing away the keys.

If black men are not around to teach young boys the essence of manhood, fatherhood and family life, who will. More black men must out of a sense of duty and urgency, join the ranks of men who are destined to move beyond marches and rhetoric to mentor young men. And like the adult, mature elephants cited in the parable above, they will once again bring order and peace back to the community, and guide the young men into responsible adolescence and adulthood.

Remember, boys learn best through example. Wanted...more black men who take fathering and mentoring seriously.

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